Stay Off My Plate
Why is that every time I eat a salad,
granola with yogurt, banana chips
someone in the office comments on it?
Geez, you eat healthy, huh?
What if instead, I had ho-hos,
two gas station hot dogs, and instant coffee?
What would you say then?
Geez, you eat like shit, huh?
How about: stay off my plate,
unless you plan your comments equally.
Better yet, comment on your food
and let the office stand around to judge you.
We’ll hold a party and make a cake,
out of poorly chosen ingredients and life choices:
Diet Pepsi, gummy worms, divorce settlements,
Haagen Daas ice cream, laser scar removal, bacon bits.
We’ll make a banner with your name
and tack up action shots of you eating.
We’ll capture the office food smell in a jar
so that you can remember it in the unemployment line.